Be still

I sit down casually on my bed to read a page or two of ‘The Holiness of God’ by R.C. Sproul before I begin the day’s list of errands.

“We fear God because He is holy…He is too awesome.  He makes difficult demands on us.  He is the Mysterious Stranger who threatens our security.  In His presence we quake and tremble.  Meeting Him personally may be our greatest trauma..”

As I read these words, my hand that is holding the book begins to tremble. I just look at it, perplexed.  I wonder if my mind is collaborating with my hand to play a trick on me, considering I had just read the words, “in His presence we quake and tremble”.  But even as that thought crosses my mind, the trembling seems to slowly take over my body.  Not a drastic body tremor…just an uncontrollable, soft, tremble.  I close my eyes.  My breathing is shallow. I search for Him.. I know He’s there.  I want to cry out, “what is it, Father?”, but He won’t even allow me to speak.  He silences me.  I think about just days before, how He said to me through my  devotional, ‘I meet you in the stillness of your soul.’ Only God could produce stillness so intense.  I wait, staring into the black void until it becomes like a familiar, peaceful blanket surrounding me.

A single tear streams down the left side of my face until, finally- I hear a voice on my heart: “In ME you live and move and breathe”

The past few weeks have been painfully humbling in so many ways.  For one thing, God has directed my prayers and led me to seek understanding of His great Mercy.  He has gently been opening my eyes.  He knows that I am slow to understand and listen, and of course, quick to speak.  It makes so much sense that He would completely silence me.  Most of the time when I seek Him with intentions to hear His voice, I am still talking. Why is it so hard to be still?  I swear that it is the hardest task in the world.  Maybe this western culture has aided in my corruption.  Regardless, He gave me the words that brought me back to the very core of my being.  I am from dust.  HE put His breath in me.  It is only by Him that I live and move and breathe.

I think of the words from a warrior in Christ, Gianna Jessen, when she boldly proclaimed:

“”Don’t you realize that you cannot make your own heart beat? Don’t you realize that all the power that you think you possess.. you really possess none of it! It is the MERCY of God that sustains you- even when you hate Him.”

Oh God.. I am nothing apart from You. I know it is by your great mercy that I am not utterly consumed; that You allow me to walk on this earth each day. That you allow me to take each new breath. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve your goodness. Who am I that I should be the object of Your Mercy and Love?

Job 12:10 In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind.

Let my mouth be filled with Your praise.

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About Autumn

I'm a southwestern PA-er so I say 'pop' and sometimes 'yinz', ok? I'm a passionate follower of Jesus Christ with a heart for the nations. Currently my mission field is Penn State University campus, and the town of State College!!
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2 Responses to Be still

  1. Barbara says:

    Praise God… Psalm 150

  2. Steve Jackson says:

    Thank you for the wonderful description of what God is doing in your heart. You’ll benefit by the words of the psalmist in chapters 9-16, “But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in to hand. The victim commits himself to you, you are the helper of the fatherless…You hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed.” Thank you for being God’s hands and feet, continuing to pray for you. ( praying Col. 1:9-14; Eph. 3:14-21) We love you and miss you and we especially enjoy this monthly view into your ministry!!!

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