“The subduing of the heart leads to the silencing of the tongue; humility within leads to humility expressed. Only when we have been thus silenced are we in any position to begin to speak. And when we do, by God’s grace, we speak as those who have first been silenced.”
Have you ever been in a room full of people but feel like you’re in a different universe entirely? Have you ever been confronted by God’s presence in such a way that all you can do is sit in silence, because words not only seem worthless, but incredibly impossible? After studying James 3 at our weekly Bible study, we bowed our heads to pray whatever was on our hearts. This time, my heart was silenced. This time, I honestly couldn’t hear the prayers around me (good thing God can multi-task, because I know He still heard every single one). This time, all I could do was sit in awe as God confronted me. As much as I felt like I could break down crying, or crumble into pieces, there was an equal force that was quietly holding me together in perfect peace.
His presence engulfed me.
All my heart could manage to utter was, “God… you’re so Holy. Glorious. Majestic… but these words are not even enough…”
Even though I know these words are true, my human mind can’t even grasp just how true. How impossible it is to know the fullness of who you are, oh Lord!
Suddenly, I was flooded with thoughts from the book of Job. This man had loved God and walked blamelessly, yet behind the scenes, and with an amazingly divine purpose in the works, God allowed Satan to bring tragedy into his life in every way. No matter how many times Job’s friends tried to convince him that the tragedy was due to sin in his life, Job knew it was not. However, Job ended up talking a lot. And his many words led him to say some foolish things. Since what he could see with his eyes is that wicked men prosper, and good men suffer, he tries to reason that there must be no order or purpose in life. He cries out with all his might and demands God to answer him. Then, God does. With a thundering voice He rebukes Job with His own series of questions, “Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge…where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth…” Job is utterly humbled, and quickly realizes that he knows very little, and though he thought he was wise in understanding of the workings of the world, it brought him shame. The only thing he can say is, “I am of small account. What could I answer you?”
Job was completely silenced.
I was completely silenced.
In that moment all I could feel was the Sovereignty of His presence, and all I could think of was His wisdom from above, which is so holy. Not only can we not see the whole picture of our lives as He can, He is in control of every single detail of the universe, great and small.
God has absolutely captured my heart, and has overwhelmed me with passion for this new work to which He has led me. I am in awe of His unique care and love for me, that He is constantly working in so many details in my life, even when I am hardly aware. When I think I have everything figured out, at times, God steps in and gently corrects me. When I think things are falling apart, I know that there is a plan and purpose that God has determined since the dawn of time. I don’t know the answer to every question as to WHY or HOW my life turned out the way it has right now, but I know that Christ died for me, and is risen from the dead! And every day that I am alive on this earth, my heart cries out, “To live is Christ! Wherever you lead me, I will go.” Even when my life does not resemble ‘success’ in the eyes of the world, I have found a Treasure, and in my heart I have wisdom from above which assures me… To Die is Gain.
God has brought me to State College, Pennsylvania. I know so little. But I know Him, and having been silenced, I will speak.